Today I want to talk to you about what we can learn from the horrible tragedy that occurred last week to an Amish community in Pennsylvania. As you know 9 Amish girls were shot and five were killed. As a parent I can’t even imagine losing a child. Children die sometimes from illness or accident, but this was such an incredibly senseless killing. I can’t imagine how I would feel as a parent.

In the days that followed the world learned about the incredible forgiving spirit of the Amish people. They raised money not only for the victim’s families, but also for the killer’s family as well. I feel we can learn something about “forgiveness” from the Amish.

So, I ask you, “If you were the parent of any of those children would you be as forgiving? Could you forgive the killer as the Amish have done?”

Rabbi Harold Kushner says that if after two days we have not forgiven someone who has wronged us, then it becomes our problem. Letting go of our anger and resentment is important and if we can’t do that after two days then we are paying for it by letting it destroy our happiness. Kushner is talking about forgiving the unforgivable - not just everyday kind of annoyances.

I think there are many misconceptions about the practice of forgiving. Some mistakenly believe that by forgiving you are condoning or accepting a grievous act. Or that by forgiving it implies you are weak and will not stand up against those who commit such acts. Another misconception is that if you forgive, justice will be abandoned. But forgiveness is not about helplessly giving up, surrendering, avoiding justice or being weak. Forgiveness is about recognizing the terrible wrong that you hold in your heart, realizing that the wrong can be healed, and working to understand how you came to hold your anger and resentment so dearly so that you do not let it happen again. This process helps you to develop compassion for yourself and others. Forgiveness can be understood as a spiritual practice and was taught by Jesus, Buddha and other great spiritual teachers.

Apology and forgiveness are implied throughout the Buddhist texts. Even Jesus when asked how many times one should forgive one’s brother said that one should forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). The Buddha also spoke of forgiveness. But is it possible to forgive the unforgivable? Can we possibly forgive those who commit unspeakable offenses? The book “Chop Wood, Carry Water” relates the well-known poignant Tibetan Buddhist story about two Tibetan monks who encounter each other some years after being released from prison where they had been tortured by their captors. “Have you forgiven them?” asks the first. “I will never forgive them! Never!” replies the second. “Well, I guess they still have you in prison, don’t they?” the first says. How often are we trapped in the prison of our own resentment?

Just about one year ago the world renowned Tibetan monk, Palden Gyatso visited the Rime Center,. He spent 33 years in a Chinese prison. When he spoke here he told about the unimaginable conditions in prison. He explained how 70% of the inmates died of starvation and those that did survive were subjected to nearly daily torture. After being released, His Holiness the Dalai Lama asked him what was the one thing he feared most during those 33 years in captivity. Palden Gyatso replied, “What I feared most was losing my compassion,” So, His Holiness asked him to write a book detailing his experiences in prison which is entitled, “Autobiography of a Tibetan Monk.” It is an incredible book and difficult to read but it is ultimately about forgiveness.

I took Palden Gyatso to Crossroads prison to speak to the Buddhist inmates there. He told them about his experiences in prison. During the question and answer period an inmate asked what should they do when a guard is mean and nasty to them. Palden Gyatso said, “When that happened to me, I simply thought the guard was the one who was really in prison.”

There are many examples of the practice of forgiveness in the Buddhist texts. One of my favorites is the story of Angulimala. Angulimala had killed 999 persons and collected their fingers in a necklace around his neck. His name, Angulimala , means garland of fingers. It was in searching for his one thousandth victim that he met the Buddha and realized what he had been doing was wrong. The terrible murderer was forgiven and eventually able to attain complete enlightenment. He became one of the Buddha’s closest disciples. There is also the story of Milarepa an 11th century Tibetan saint who also had killed many people. He too realized what he was doing was wrong and changed his ways and turned toward spiritual practice. Like Angulimala, he too attained complete enlightenment and became one of Buddhism’s most important teachers.

In the Buddhist sutras the Buddha spoke of forgiveness many times, but none so dramatic as in this verse:

“Monks, even if bandits were to carve you up savagely, limb by limb, with a two-handled saw, he among you who let his heart get angered even at that would not be doing my bidding. Even then you should train yourselves; ‘Our minds will be unaffected and we will say no evil words. We will remain sympathetic, with a mind of goodwill, and with no inner hate. We will keep pervading these people with an awareness imbued with goodwill and, beginning with them, we will keep pervading the all-encompassing world with an awareness imbued with goodwill - abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from hostility, free from ill-will.’ That’s how you should train yourselves.”

Majjhima Nikaya Sutra

In the Buddhist tradition there are specific meditation practices that help us cultivate forgiveness. I recommend doing a loving-kindness meditation in three parts. First ask forgiveness of all those YOU may have harmed through thoughts, words or actions. Second offer forgiveness for any harm OTHERS have caused you through their thoughts, words or actions. And finally offer forgiveness to YOURSELF for any harm you have done to YOURSELF . By using the power of meditation, these ideas of compassion become more and more ingrained as a true part of our life and experience.

Another very good practice for developing forgiveness is called tonglen. Tonglen is a meditation practice whereby you exchange self for others in order to alleviate the suffering of others. Tonglen is sometimes referred to as “receiving and taking.” In this practice you actually imagine you are taking in another’s suffering as you transform and purify it. Doing this practice for someone who has harmed you is difficult but a very powerful lesson in forgiveness. The well-known Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, said “Tonglen practice reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure. In the process, we become liberated from very ancient patterns of selfishness. We begin to feel love for both ourselves and others; we begin to take care of ourselves and others. Tonglen awakens our compassion and introduces us to a far bigger view of reality. It introduces us to the unlimited spaciousness…”

How can we expect happiness if we are unwilling to forgive? Mother Theresa said, “If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.”

So, look into your own heart and see what burdens you are still carrying. Transform your anger, and your resentments into acts of compassion. When you are wronged and you feel resentment or even feeling of retaliation arise in your mind, use those feelings for the basis of your practice. Realize that these feeling are coming from years (or lifetimes) of habitual patterns and you need to do more spiritual practice. You can actually use these feelings as the basis for your practice.’

After all, if the Amish can forgive the killer of their children, we can forgive the much smaller slights and offenses that we experience every day.